watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
