So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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