is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
