Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
