Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
