It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
