so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
