I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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