Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
