So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
