Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just found a bag of teeth...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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