Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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