the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
