Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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