I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
