break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
