Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're a waste of cheezeits
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
