He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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