i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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