I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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