I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
