Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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