3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A+ Viking dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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