Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
