I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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