people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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