hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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