Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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