I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
