New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
