I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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