it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
