I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
