and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
