get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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