he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
