NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
