Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
