OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
