Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
