I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
