Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We had to coat check the pizza.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
