I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
