She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
