I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
