i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
