I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
