Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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