I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
