Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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