the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
