when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
