New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So here I am, sexting at work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
