I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
