I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
