shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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