you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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