I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
