he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
