Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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