So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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