I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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