You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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