I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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