No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
