Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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