i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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