Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
