I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
