her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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