just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
